


Starship Promise 8 (Atlas 5)

by Yoselin



Series: Starship Promise Tumblr Prompts [8]
Category: Starship Promise (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-14 23:14:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14146734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yoselin/pseuds/Yoselin
Summary: Name used is Cadey Shelley. Originally posted to Tumblr.Prompt: “After everything we’ve been through, you still don’t think that I love you?!”





	Starship Promise 8 (Atlas 5)

Name used here is Cadey Shelley.  
Very minor warnings.  
——  
It’s almost scary how fast I’ve learned to arm myself. My fingers fly over my belt where Sparky, my gun, is holstered. I secure it in a matter of nanoseconds then slip my tablet into a pocket in my coat.  
The entire ordeal takes less than the time it takes the Promise to land on a rocky airstrip. I make sure my ponytail is properly fastened before stretching my arms and walking towards the Promise’s door.  
The fact that I have learned to easily arm myself and leave the Promise in record time is surprising. The old me, the girl who lived in Olympus 7 and had nothing but calculations and keyboards for companions, would have never believed it.  
Then again, that girl was long gone.  
She had died the moment the Union had falsely deemed her a traitor for her designs and slapped a WANTED poster all over her colony. Now, the girl left in her wake, was a full time Bounty Hunter for a ship full of rebels, an enemy to the Union and Empire states-  
And the girlfriend of a pilot with a heavy penchant for drinking and an even greater knack for hiding his emotions.  
My lips quirk up in a smile and I bend towards Atlas, currently grumbling about a bumpy landing damaging the Promise’s paint. My hands wrap around his shoulders loosely in an embrace.  
As always, at my touch, his body tenses. Something rigid passes through him and he almost shoves me off in sheer surprise before he realizes who I am. Once his eyes make the recognition, his body releases its tension and he goes back to normal except for the ever-present glare on his face.  
“Shouldn’t you be getting ready to go on this bounty run?” He nods his head at Orion and Nova who are busy strapping in their own weapons while Jaxon fiddles with his tablet and pulls up coordinates nearby.  
“I’m already ready,” I hum. I pat my gun at my hip then make sure to show him the way the cartridge is perfectly lit up and charged.  
Atlas grunts and turns back to his controls. His fingers fly over a few buttons and knobs before he nods at me again.  
“Do you know what to do? I don’t want to have to drag myself out of the Promise just to save your hide because you can’t figure out how to recharge that thing,” he grumbles.  
The back of my neck burns and I glance away. “That was one time-“  
“Twice. Do you know what to do?” Atlas presses the question.  
I sigh, pull my gun up and show him I can easily charge and fire before slipping it back into its holster. He looks away, pleased with my efforts, and fishes for his bottle. As he raises the drink to his lips, I hear my name being called.  
Jaxon waves me over and nods his head at the direction Nova and Orion are headed in.  
Time to go.  
I motion with my hand that I’ll be right there then return to Atlas.  
He peers at me through the rim of his beverage and quirks his eyebrow up in expectation. “Well? That fugitive won’t catch himself.”  
I smile, feel my face warm, then dive quickly and press a kiss to his cheek before my mind has a chance to back me out of it.  
My lips linger on his skin long enough to feel the way he begins to burn up at my actions. A sound between surprise and embarrassment leaves his lips and he moves away after a while. His hand moves to where my lips grazed him and he looks away from me. There is a very vivid red to his skin that would put Empire uniforms to shame. Were I more confident, I’d tease him on it.  
“What was that?” His voice comes out gruff, tough, and I can see the way his whole ‘drunken rebel’ look snaps into place like a rubber band. Once that act of his had intimidated me, now it only makes the affection I have grow stronger.  
“It’s called a kiss, Atlas. We’ve done it before,” I remind him. My skin warms up at my words and I feel embarrassed for a few moments.  
Atlas grumbles at the back of his throat and spins around in his chair. His hands go back to the control panel and he pretends to be extremely busy. “Yeah, yeah, don’t you have a bounty to collect?”  
He tries to change the subject but I hear the way the breath in his throat catches. Despite how much he may try to hide it, he didn’t hate my little display. A smile tugs at my lips and the color on my cheek gets more vivid.  
“I’ll be back!” I wave at his back.  
Atlas doesn’t turn, still visibly stunned at my actions, and I giggle before running outside the ship to collect the bounty. 

By the time we are done with the bounty, our pockets are lined with credits. Our job had gone well and our rewards were plenty.  
I stretch my arms to my side and match my strides with Orion.  
“We should eat somewhere nearby with Atlas. I kind of miss actual food and not space rations,” I suggest.  
Orion glances at his watch and shrugs. He’s as jovial as the rest of us, his face is lit up with a small smile. “We have time, sure.”  
I open my mouth to suggest a place we passed by when Jaxon throws an arm around my shoulders. His face takes on a teasing grin and he winks at me.  
“You sure you don’t want to spend some time with Atlas alone?” He makes a kissing noise with his lips and gives me a smug look.  
I feel my entire body heat up and I shrug out of his arm.  
“Jaxon,” Orion hisses the warning. He gives a slight shake of his head to tell him to knock it off yet the corners of his lips are still up.  
Unbelievable.  
I groan silently and open my mouth to say something to the equivalent of “stay out of our business”-  
When Nova jolts from her place silently behind us and whirls around. Immediately, the hairs at the back of my neck stands up. I feel the goosebumps rising across my hands and feel the shot being fired before I see it.  
I have a split second to move out of the way as a hail of gunfire rains down on us. In a moment of blind panic, I dive for a nearby alleyway. The others mimic my movements.  
Our earlier good mood is replaced by an adrenaline filled anger. I pull out my gun and try to ignore the fact that every pop from nearby makes my hands shake.  
“What the hell happened?” Jaxon hisses the question at us as if we knew anything.  
He struggles with his tablet to send an SOS to Atlas. Orion covertly checks the edge of the alleyway for more soldiers. The hail of gunfire still roaring outside must be answer enough because he dives back in and gives us each a thin lipped look.  
“The Union sent a squad after us. We need to get out and meet at the Promise. There’s too many to take down by ourselves,” he nods at Jaxon’s tablet, “Tell Atlas to meet us at the ports. Let’s go!”  
He gives us another look and rushes out. The others follow his lead. I hesitate, feel dread rushing at me, then bite hard on my tongue and rush out.  
I’ve been shot at before, the Union and Empire prefer to shoot first then ask questions, but that doesn’t make charging into a gunfight any easier. My nerves are on fire as I run. I keep my gun aloft yet focus on getting away from the fight more than I set my sights on targets.  
Ahead of me, I can see Orion and Nova running at full speed. Every few steps, Nova will glance back and fire a volley from her gun. Twice, she manages to get a soldier about to shoot at me. I send her a grateful nod and emulate her actions.  
I take down a charging soldier and manage to slide up to Jaxon. He has paused to take a breath and I see his gun is low on power. We duck next to a building and listen to the pounding footsteps of boots on pavement.  
My heart is beating faster than it ever has and I try to focus my breathing.  
“How far is Atlas?” I double check my gun and see I’m also low on power.  
Jaxon grinds his teeth as the sound of fire comes closer. “Far.”  
I bite my cheek and wince as another shot lands on an adjacent building. The soldiers are awfully close.  
“We won’t be able to reach him at this rate. Atlas can gun the Promise all he wants but we won’t make it,” Jaxon hisses.  
I glance at the building corner still smoking from the blast then look at my gun. It has a higher battery than Jaxon. If I lower the settings on the bullets, I might be able to hold out longer.  
A plan forms in my mind and I clench my fingers tightly around my weapon. Fear gnaws at me but I force it down. Jaxon can reach the Promise easily and come back. I, on the other hand, can give him the time he needs to regroup.  
I lift my gun and glance at Jaxon. “As soon as I say, go, run. Get to the Promise and tell Atlas I’ll meet him at the space port on the opposite side of where we came in from. Ready?”  
I don’t give him time to protest.  
“Ready? Set? Go!”  
I scream it at him and dive the opposite direction, right towards the charging soldiers. I hear Jaxon let out a curse with my name mixed in before he runs away from me. He takes out two soldiers near me, mouths a ‘you better meet at the space port’ and takes off running.  
I exhale.  
From there, it’s a dance with death. I alternate between firing at my opponents and skirting around bullets. Adrenaline is guiding my every movement and fear intertwines with it.  
At some point, I manage to cleave a path through Union soldiers. I rush for it, mind already calculating how long it will take to reach Atlas and the crew, before something hard slams into my shoulder and pain flares like fire.  
A shriek leaves my lips and I go down. My gun flies out of my hands and I collide painfully against the floor. Still, my good hand stretches for my weapon-  
A polished boot suddenly kicks the weapon away and my eyes rise to meet its owner.  
An exhale of utter shock leaves my lips and my blood runs cold.  
Standing with his back to the sun, uniform polished and decorated with a row of medals and ribbons, is Admiral Evander Sol. His face is lit up with a grin that makes my insides churn. He advances on me like a predatory cat and his boot steps painfully on my hand.  
“Good afternoon, Ms. Shelley, I’ve missed you.”

The Union shackles bite into my wrists. I wince as Evander tightens the settings with a click of a control in his hand. I glare at him with resistance, my only weapon, and clench my jaw.  
The Admiral paces around the room with a hand under his chin and a twisted smirk on his face. He is the picture of smugness and corruption in his pristine uniform which clicks with every step as his medals bump against each other.  
“Do you know how long we’ve been tracking you?” Evander paces in front of me. “Our best trackers have gone into the business of finding you and your little motley crew. You’ve evaded us for a very long time, Miss Shelley, I had almost given you up for another enemy slipping through the Union cracks.”  
He rests his hands on the chair opposite of me and leans forward. His gaze meets my own, arrogance and power burning in it, and I force myself to meet it. Evander projects commands and ferocity, yet I won’t give in. Despite my instincts burning to falter, sweat, and plead, I remain steady.  
Perhaps the old me would have gotten tongue tied and broken down before a Union officer who held her fate in his hands, but the me I am now refuses to backdown.  
Evander leans forward so that his entire body is almost pressed against the chair. “Can you imagine my surprise when I received an anonymous tip that one of the Union’s most wanted traitors had arrived to collect a bounty on Ares 16? I dropped everything I was doing just to rush over here and finally bring you in.”  
I keep my face impassive as Evander stands. His medals clink against each other with every breath he draws and I focus on that instead. My palms are sweaty and head is pounding with the stress of being utterly at someone’s mercy, so the distraction helps. I busy myself counting how many times his awards rattle.  
1, 2, 3…  
Evander continues. “What should I do with you, Ms. Shelley? Should I wait until you are delivered to the Inner Systems for your trial? Or should I just speed up the process?”  
4, 5, 6…  
He waves his tablet in front of me and I see my WANTED poster illuminated next to a long list of charges.  
7, 8, 9…  
“A traitor’s poisonous tongue has nothing to offer besides lies and headaches. Interrogating you serves no purpose, so maybe it’s best to just end things here?”  
Evander draws his weapon.  
My heart slams against my rib cage and knuckles turn white. Fear overrides thought for a brief second-  
Then I manage to reel it in. I think about Atlas and the way he overcomes his fears. Sometimes, when the ghosts raging against his mind threaten to drive him insane, he pushes them back through thought. I can do that too.  
My eyes drop from Evander’s weapon to the ribbons on his uniform. I count them if only to give myself time to become strong again.  
Evander comes up in front of me, fingers resting against the trigger of his gun, and he sits himself on the chair. He crosses his leg at the knee and scans me from head to toe.  
“Killing you would be far too easy, wouldn’t it? With one bang your entire, miserable life would be over. You’d be reduced to nothing but a splatter on the floor,” he lowers his weapon, “that’s too kind to you. Maybe I should just take you to the Systems and parade you around the courtroom. Watch you struggle to come up with lies in front of an entire room of spectators in an effort to persuade a judge that you’re innocent. Maybe I should take you to a Union prison and let you see what happens to enemies of the state firsthand. Ever wonder, Ms. Shelley, why Union traitors live such short lives? Maybe you could use a reminder-“  
“Maybe you could shut up.”  
The phrase leaves my lips before I can stop it. I click my mouth shut right after and tremble. Talking back to soldiers isn’t something I would normally do, but I’ve been spending too much time with Atlas and his sarcasm.  
Evander’s face twists into something bitter, his fingers twitch on his weapon, and he goes rigid. I freeze, sure that he will fire, but then he relaxes again. He leans back in his chair and clicks his tongue.  
“Well, it looks like someone has grown bolder since we last met. Last time we were here, you were trembling like a leaf. I see spending time with your space pirate crew has changed you,” he states.  
I glare at him.  
Evander hums at the back of his throat and his free hand skims the tablet on his lap. My WANTED poster disappears and is replaced by photos of the crew. I scan them each quickly, find strength in their faces, and pay close attention to Atlas. His scowling portrait is what gives me the most strength. I can practically feel his boldness emanating from the picture of him. It radiates off the screen and settles around me like a comforting blanket. I draw strength from it and bite my cheek.  
I will make it back to him, that I promise.  
Evander taps something on the screen and his image is enlarged. I realize he has seen the change in me and is exploiting it. I force myself to reel in my emotions. Giving a snake the chance to bite is never a good thing.  
“Atlas Molniya. When I joined the military, his name was whispered in every corner. Years ago, he was the sole survivor of a massacre that nearly destroyed the Union. He was an honored war hero, a veteran whose very name commanded respect, and his status was as powerful as his resolve. Would you believe, Ms. Shelley, that I once aspired to be him?” Evander clenches his jaw in disgust. “Imagine my disgust when I realized who he really was. Molniya was once one of the best soldiers the Union had ever seen, but now he’s a mercenary who rubs elbows with traitors and welcomes them into his bed.”  
Evander swipes the tablet and I see a different illustration of Atlas. In this one, he looks younger and wears a Union uniform. The look of him in his teenage prime wearing an outfit I’ve learned to hate makes me inhale sharply. I can scarcely believe that the boy peering at me from the tablet is the same grumpy man I date.  
Evander gives another swipe of his finger and the image is replaced by yet another. This one is of a command of people. I recognize Atlas at its center but the people around him are unknown. It takes me a moment but I finally realize it is his squadron, the one that left him the sole survivor.  
My throat tightens.  
“Molniya returned from the battle in one piece. He came back to the Union and received award after award for his service. People could scarcely believe that someone had survived a massacre unscathed… but I knew better.”  
The tablet is clicked shut and Evander leans forward. His eyes are predatory, there is a cruel gleam in them that makes me feel nauseous. I grit my teeth and the hairs at the back of my neck stand on edge.  
“Atlas Molniya came back physically, but he’s not here, Ms. Shelley. While he survived, a part of him died in that battle. His mind is elsewhere, still trapped in that Union ship listening to the sounds of his men dying on his comm. Surely you’ve seen it? You’ve seen the wars that rage on in that mind of his. He survived the massacre but is still fighting the war. He drowns himself in liquor to chase the spirits away but the ghosts of battle are immune to fight.”  
Evander taps his temple. “In schools, we were warned about the dangers wars posed for the mind. Sanity is such a fragile thing, Ms. Shelley. See enough blood shed and it shatters like glass. Molniya knows that firsthand.”  
I grind my teeth tighter until I am sure they will break. To hear Evander speak so mockingly about Atlas threatens to drive me insane. I want nothing more than to punch him, claw at his face until he’s a bleeding mess, yet the cuffs on my wrist prevent this. Rather than give Sol the ass kicking he deserves, I settle for glaring at him. All of my contempt is packed into my stare and I fling it at him like a weapon.  
Evander’s cheek muscle jumps when he feels the effect of my stare, yet he recovers. His chin presses to his hand.  
“Don’t you realize what you’re doing to Atlas, my dear? How many times has he had to rush into battle to save you? How many visions of that massacre have you induced? When he returned from the battlefield, the Union offered to make him a commander. Atlas refused. He said he was done fighting and he wanted to fulfill a promise he had made to one of his soldiers. Apparently, he had sworn to buy a ship and travel the galaxy with one of them. A ‘Promise’ he would keep despite the fact that the soldier died in combat,” Evander smirks, “yet look at what you’ve done. You’ve taken his oath of peace and crushed it. Atlas runs after you in every battle in order to save you. What do you think that does to his sanity?”  
Silence ensues. My mind whirls with the data and I feel cold anxiety wash over me.  
Evander is a lying and scheming bastard intent on exploiting my every weakness-  
But he’s right.  
I’ve seen Atlas fight mental wars before because of me. I’ve seen how the battle he survived still haunts him. Some part of him, somewhere, is still trapped in a Union ship watching his men get shot down.  
That part of him, which he chases down with a bottle of brandy, comes out when I force him to fight. I’ve seen the flashbacks he gets, heard his screams in nightmares, held him as he remembers everything terrible he wants to forget.  
And I’ve caused all of that.  
I inhale slowly, hear the shake in my breath, and watch as Evander stands.  
There’s a new smugness in his eyes now. He knows he’s planted the seeds of doubt in me. He knows the plant has bloomed and dug its roots in my mind.  
“Do the right thing, my dear, set your poor pilot free. While you are at his side, he will never leave that battlefield,” Evander pulls out his control, “now, this was a very pleasant talk, but I’ve grown bored. Why don’t I show you to your cell?”  
Evander clicks the button and the door to the room opens. He hooks one arm around me and pulls me to my feet. My body moves on autopilot as he begins to walk me to my prison-  
But we never make it out the door.  
Instead, we hear a volley of gunfire popping from somewhere aboard the ship. I dismiss it at first, thinking it’s just a Union soldier practicing marksmanship, but Evander hisses a curse.  
He yanks me towards him, clenches his teeth, and raises his weapon.  
I freeze as he places the barrel of his gun against my temple. His mouth moves to my ear and he clenches his jaw.  
“As I said, Ms. Shelley, you have a knack for putting Molniya back in the battle field.”

The sound of a fight grows stronger as we run. Evander’s body is rigid and he keeps the gun at my head. Pressed to him, I can practically feel the rage radiating off of him. It seems like he wasn’t expecting the crew to arrive so soon.  
After a few more turns through dizzying corridors, we arrive at the thick of the battle.  
Union soldiers are littered on the ground and the Promise crew is slowly advancing. Although heavily outnumbered, my crew is easily pulling through.  
I strain at the shackles on my wrist and only succeed at nearly burning the skin to a crisp. Evander yanks me so that I shield him and calls an order to his crew.  
“Kill the intruders!”  
He takes an aim at something past my vision. I crane my neck to see his shot whirr past a shock of white, Nova.  
I scream out a warning at her then slam myself into Evander. Not expecting me to resist, he slams into the nearby wall. He recovers quickly, but not quick enough.  
I manage to swipe the control out of his hand and slam it against the floor. The shackles fall away and I am free.  
“Asshole!” I dive away from his reach and put distance between us.  
I have no weapon, nothing to assist the crew in the fight, yet I charge into the thick of it. A volley of shots rain down on all sides and I rush past Evander. He trains his gun on me, ready to fire, yet his fingers never pull the trigger.  
I have no time to wonder what stopped him before a strong arm is wrapped around me. I panic, get ready to fight off another soldier, when the familiar scent of motor oil and whiskey hits me.  
Atlas.  
I breathe the name out in relief and dig my nails into his jacket. Atlas puts himself protectively in front of me and fires a shot at Evander.  
It strikes his breastplate and the ribbons go flying. Evander turns white at the implication.  
Had he not been wearing his awards, Atlas’ shot could have done serious harm. The thought must startle him because he hesitates and freezes in place for a brief second.  
That’s all the time Atlas needs. He moves fast and slings me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. I gasp and manage to tighten my grip to keep from falling.  
“Atlas!” I squirm in his grip and feel my face heating in embarrassment.  
Atlas takes off at a mad run. He ignores my protests and screams at Orion. “I have her! Let’s go!”  
The gunfire on our side cuts off. Orion calls out an order for retreat and Evander hisses out a command that I don’t quite catch.  
Soon, Atlas arrives at the door and jumps out. We crash into the Promise and skid to a halt. 

“Ow! Ow! Ow!”  
I wince as Atlas rubs a medicinal cream to my shoulder. The bullet wound I had sustained was minor, the setting of the gun on non-lethal, yet it still hurts. My teeth clench tightly.  
Atlas huffs at me and finishes binding it. “Next time don’t get shot by the Union after I told you not to.”  
I puff my cheeks out at him and move my shoulder experimentally. It burns but the cream is already working. Thank the stars for technological marvels.  
“You didn’t have to rescue me, you know.” I bite my lip.  
Atlas snorts as he puts away the first aid kit. “Yeah, cause you were doing just fine on your own.”  
I chew on my cheek and scan Atlas head to toe. There’s no injuries on him that I have to patch up, but there’s a rigidness to his shoulders that I don’t like. The fight hadn’t dug up bad memories in him, yet he’s not ok.  
Evander’s words earlier sweep over me and flutter across my mind.  
The Admiral isn’t exactly known for his candor, but what if he was right? I’ve seen firsthand what Atlas goes through after every battle, and it is often because of me.  
My hands press tightly together on my lap and I sweep over Atlas again.  
“Are you ok?”  
“I’m not the one that got shot,” Atlas fires back, he extends his hand and pulls me down from the bathroom sink. I hop down but don’t let go.  
“Why did you leave the ship?”  
I smooth my thumb across his knuckle. Atlas lets me and tightens his grip.  
“Someone had to haul you out of there and bring you back. I didn’t want Jaxon getting the satisfaction.”  
The bathroom goes quiet. My thoughts are spinning like mad and Evander is at the center. His words from before, about always dragging Atlas back into the battlefield, refuse to leave. They set an anchor in my brain and hold steady.  
A part of me wants to scoff at it. I love Atlas and he loves me-  
But another part of me is withering. I had dragged Atlas into battle again today. He had put himself in harm’s way because I was stupid enough to think I could fight off soldiers without getting caught.  
My throat tightens.  
How many stupid mistakes have I made that have produced the same outcome? How many times has Atlas forced himself to fight because of me? Is Evander right? Am I the person that keeps pushing him into war?  
Suddenly feeling nauseous, I let go of Atlas’ hand. The movement is so sudden that he glances at me.  
“You alright?” He taps at the space between my eyes.  
I move out of his touch.  
I feel utterly sick with myself. I dragged him into a fight today. I made him fire his weapon after he had told the Union he was done. I could have caused another one of his flashbacks.  
Hubble, I’m putting him at risk every day.  
I take a step back from Atlas, force a smile on my face, and put my fingers against my throat.  
“Yeah, yeah, I’m just tied.”  
The lie falls effortlessly from my lips.  
Atlas stares at me, mouth thinning, and nods. He turns away from me and draws the bathroom door open for me. “Get some rest then.”  
I walk past him and into the Promise’s hallway. My heart is pounding against my rib cage.  
I know better than to let a snake like Evander get to me, yet his words aren’t entirely false. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I’m no better for Atlas than poison.  
I bite down hard on my lip and murmur a goodnight to Atlas. As if on autopilot, I reach over to him and brush my lips on his cheek. This earns me a flush of color on his face but, unlike this morning, I don’t enjoy it.  
Instead, my stomach twists and I feel even more overwhelmed. I bite my lip and hurry past. As I walk away from him, I feel his stare on me. 

Resting does nothing to help soothe me. I spent most of the night tossing and turning in Atlas’ bed before he walks in. Once he goes to sleep, I mull over my thoughts mentally.  
I know Evander lies. I know he likes to get under my skin and prod at weaknesses. I know his words are as poisonous as cyanide-  
Yet I can’t shake them out.  
Atlas survived a massacre that all but destroyed him. He watched his entire squadron die before him. Mentally, he has never recovered.  
For years he was doing fine. He was coping in his own way, however unorthodox it was, and spent his time on the Promise. Life wasn’t peachy for him, but it was working.  
Then I came along. I stowed away on his ship and have forced him into bad situations since day one. He almost quit his bounty hunter life because of me.  
Because of an episode I induced.  
How long had Atlas gone before then without seeing those ghosts of his? What record did he have that I broke?  
I sit up in bed and peer down at Atlas next to me. He’s utterly asleep, snoring a storm, yet his face is peaceful. When he slumbers, he resembles someone different. The sarcasm and bite is gone, replaced by something tranquil and young.  
It’s almost like he’s an entirely different person. A person who doesn’t down whiskey like water and evade the Union and Empire everyday.  
I reach out my fingers and card them though his hair. He makes a face in sleep but stays still. I brush a lock of his hair back.  
Atlas is young, all things considered, yet his hair is already graying. What kind of stress does someone endure to have that happen?  
And how many new strands of white have bloomed since he met me?  
I suddenly feel sick again. I lift my fingers from his hair and stand up. My hands move to my face and I press my knuckles against my eyelids to keep from crying.  
Stars, how badly have I hurt Atlas without meaning to?  
Feeling like I can’t breathe, I plop down on Atlas’ chair and put my head in my hands. Horrible thoughts plague me and torment me all night. I know better than to listen to them, yet I find they keep me awake all the same. 

When the Promise’s lights come on, I slip out the door before Atlas has a chance to rouse. My mind is buzzing like crazy and I need some fresh air.  
Luckily for me, the Promise is stopping to refuel soon at a neutral colony. We’ll be on the ground for an hour or two and that should be enough time to reel in my thoughts.  
I slip on my coat and am almost out the door when Atlas appears recently awoken.  
“Cadey, I need your help. Stupid Union bastards shot at the Promise yesterday and a few of our parts are fried. I need someone to help me repair them.”  
He lifts his toolbox in one hand.  
I clench my jaw and press my palm against the Promise’s door. My heart thuds in my chest. Usually, spending the day with Atlas is much cause for celebration, but today my mind is a muddled mess. The thought of being alone with him while dangerous thoughts flutter through my head is enough to make me want to throw up.  
I grind my teeth. “I wanted to walk around for a bit. Do you need me to get some parts for you?”  
I don’t meet his eyes.  
Atlas straightens and sets his toolbox down on the table.  
“Anything wrong? You’re acting weird,” he grumbles.  
I try to school my face into something normal. It only half works. The tenseness of Atlas’ shoulders doesn’t ease up.  
“Fine, fine, I just want some air.”  
With that, I don’t give him time to answer. I press a quick kiss to his cheek, something of a tradition now, and slip out the door. 

I never liked running when I was young, I found it the hardest of exercises, but now I run. I run and run until I feel like throwing up. I run until I can fool myself into thinking that I’m leaving my thoughts in the dust.  
At some point, I reach a deserted park and stop. My hands come to the top of my head and I take in gulps of air. My lungs feel like they’re going to give out.  
I stumble into a park bench and steady myself against it. My hands grip the metal until my knuckles turn white-  
And then I puke.  
I throw up until tears are streaming down my face and I feel a mental breakdown coming soon. I sink to my knees and sob until there’s no more tears I can physically produce.  
My hands press against my eyelids and I hiccup over and over again feeling like I can’t breathe.  
Evander is a manipulative liar not above exploiting a person’s worst fears, but he hasn’t lied about me.  
I ruined Atlas. Before me, he was coping with his trauma and getting past it. Now, he has to charge into a fight every so often because I’m too weak to protect myself.  
I bite my tongue until blood fills my mouth and dig my nails into my palms.  
How many white hairs have I given Atlas? How many nightmares has he endured because of what I put him through? I’m like a poison to him.  
The images Evander showed me surface again and I almost throw up once more.  
I think about the young Atlas in the military photo. The young man who didn’t smile but didn’t scowl either. The soldier who had joined the Union and didn’t consider it a mistake yet. The man in a perfectly pristine uniform with a powerful tilt of his chin intent on winning glory for his government.  
Then I think of the young man standing in between a squadron. A young Atlas surrounded by friends of his who will never make it to see their own glory. When Atlas posed for that photo, did he realize he would be the last one left? Did the thought ever occur to him that every single soldier around him would die in a bloody massacre?  
I press my hand to my mouth to keep from crying all over again.  
Finally, I think about Atlas and that unnamed soldier. Think about the promise they had made to each other to travel the galaxy together on a ship and live in peace. How they promised each other to lay down their weapons and leave war for good. I think about that Union soldier who perished in that fight as Atlas listened on his comm, think about his body floating somewhere in space, and think about the Promise-the ship they both should have seen peace in.  
The ship Atlas had found comfort in until I stowed away on it and made him pick up his gun again.  
Hubble. I’ve done a number on him. I’ve really, really hurt him. How could I have been so blind before?  
I run my hand through my hair and force myself to take deep breaths. My heart hammers against my ribcage and my throat constricts.  
Evander’s words from before play back in my head. _”Do the right thing, my dear, set your poor pilot free.”_  
I bite my nail and stand up so violently I feel dizzy. My breath comes out in another shallow pant and I clench my fist.  
I hate this idea of mine, but I have to do it.  
I have to set Atlas free. 

Atlas is busy at the controls when I arrive. The rest of the crew is out eating and he’s stayed behind to finish fixing the Promise. I try to sneak past him but his chair whirls around.  
“There you are. Are you ready to come and help me fix this thing?” Atlas sounds annoyed as he slaps his hands against the control board.  
I force myself to smile. It hurts my cheeks but I think I pull it off. “I’m tired, Atlas, I’m going to bed.”  
Atlas scowls. “It’s noon.”  
“It’s nighttime somewhere,” I shrug.  
I move to leave but he stands. His arm wraps around me and he holds me in place. Green eyes search mine and I tense.  
“You’re acting weird ever since you came back. What happened, Cadey? Did Evander do something?” His hands press at my face.  
I move out of his grasp and laugh. The sound sounds so painfully fake I almost wince. Gosh, I’m not a good actress.  
I yawn into my hand and shake my head.  
“Nothing asides from the usual ‘traitor this’, ‘traitor that’. Really, I’m just tired. Let me take a nap, alright?” I hold his hands in mine for a second before letting them go.  
Atlas doesn’t believe me. The rigidness in his posture, the narrowness of his eyes, and the downturn of his lips, gives it away. I know he knows I am lying, but I also know that he understands hiding things.  
I don’t pry when Atlas bites back his feelings from me, so he won’t pry either. Even though he doesn’t like it, he nods and squares his jaw. “Get some sleep.”  
He moves his face forward, almost as if expectant, and I offer him a smile before spinning away and going for our room. As I depart, oddly enough, he looks disappointed.  
It doesn’t occur to me until later that maybe he was waiting for me to kiss his cheek. 

I have few belongings to my name. Asides from the coat Atlas gave me eons ago, my stuff is limited. Packing is easy. I stuff everything into my bag and hide it somewhere awaiting nightfall.  
Orion and Atlas agreed to stay on the colony all night. The Promise needs some repairs and we won’t be able to depart until morning. This is perfect.  
I can easily slip away tonight and hitch a ride to the Inner Systems to turn myself in. Evander is right. Atlas needs to be away from me.  
I hold my breath until the Promise goes dark. Night falls across the ship and I hear the footsteps of the crew and Comet as they go to bed.  
I wait until silence reigns to make my move. Atlas is probably in the mess hall getting his dinner in. The door to the Promise is relatively silent. I can slip out and he won’t notice until much later.  
With this plan in mind, I weave through the darkened hallways and into the deck. 

The door is right in my sights. I reach my fingers to open it, holding my breath-  
When the lights click on.  
There is a very disorienting pair of seconds where my vision readjusts into the sudden light before I spot Atlas. He’s sitting in his pilot chair, a scowl on his face, and hands on the controls.  
My heart pounds. Crap. So he had decided to pull an all nighter and work.  
“The Hell are you going?” Atlas stands from his chair and narrows his eyes in confusion.  
I cough. “I wanted to walk around for a bit. See the stars.”  
I feel like kicking myself. I am such an utter and complete idiot.  
“You see them everyday on the road,” Atlas moves towards me, “what’s that?”  
He extends a hand towards my bag. I move away from his reach. I shake my head lightly and force a smile.  
“I was going to go on a supply run,” I shrug. My voice sounds out nonchalant but Atlas is not an idiot. The scowl on his face deepens and he crosses his arms.  
“You’re a terrible liar. Why don’t we skip the part where you makeup another bogus lie, I catch you in it, and you panic? Let’s skip to the finale where you tell me the truth.”  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Atlas. Why are you awake?” I try and change the conversation. My hands reach for the control panel.  
If I can flick the light switch off, I might be able to run…  
Atlas catches my hand and holds it away. “Fixing the Promise since my engineer has decided to play exile. Seriously, what is it?”  
He squeezes my hand and pulls me close. I am brought into his arms. His hands move up to my shoulders and he holds me steady so that he can peer at my eyes.  
I almost break then and there. His green eyes meet mine and I can see a swirl of emotions there. There’s suspicion, confusion, concern, but mostly love.  
My throat tightens and I keep my mouth firmly shut.  
“Spill, Cadey, seriously. What happened yesterday? Did Evander do something? Did he hurt you?” Atlas quickly grows enraged. He scans me from head to toe as if looking for an injury. I can almost feel him growing defensive, plotting to see how far a course for the Union is, and I shake my head.  
“Not asides from shooting me,” I mumble out. I attempt to extract myself from his grip but he holds strong.  
“Did he say something then? That lying snake will say whatever it takes to drive you insane,” Atlas hisses out.  
I dig my fingers into my palms. “I just need some air, Atlas, honest. I’ll come back in ten minutes.”  
Atlas clenches his jaw. “Let me go with you-“  
“No!” The scream leaves my lips and he jolts in surprise. I feel my mouth go dry and I hurry to cover it up. “I mean, no need. I want to be alone for a while, alright?”  
I manage to free myself of his grip and move towards the door. Atlas follows after me and his hand snags the back of my bag. With a tug, the strap snaps off and the contents spill out. My clothes and belongings pool at his feet.  
My heart stops. Atlas goes rigid. The room grows silent.  
The uncomfortable silence can be heard loudly. I squeeze my eyes shut. Atlas takes a deep breath.  
“I didn’t realize a walk required you to pack.”  
He takes a step back, face betraying hurt for a brief flash, before he turns away.  
“What is it? What did Evander say? He must have said something. You were fine before you went out to collect that bounty.” Atlas pinches the bridge of his nose.  
I see the tenseness in his stance, hear the hurt in his voice that he tries to hide with anger-  
And I snap.  
My mouth trembles and I break down crying. Atlas spins around in surprise and goes for me. Moments later, I’m being crushed against his chest.  
He lets me cry without prying. I dig my face into his neck and sob until I feel like passing out. Slowly, his fingers move for my back and he traces little patterns there. His lips press to my ear and he murmurs words of encouragement underneath his breath. They have the opposite effect, however, and I cry harder.  
More minutes pass. I quiver like a leaf and exhaust myself. Atlas moves us to his chair. He sits down and pulls me into his lap.  
When I regain my bearings, he tightens his grip.  
“What did Evander do?”  
I swallow once, twice, three times and press my hands tightly together. I don’t answer his question and Atlas clenches his jaw. When he opens his mouth to repeat it, I interrupt him.  
“You named this ship the Promise because you promised to leave fighting behind, right?”  
My question echoes against the quiet room. Atlas tenses and I hear him draw in his breath. I struck a nerve. So Evander wasn’t lying about that.  
“What does that have to do with anything?” Atlas grinds out. I press on.  
“You left your ship yesterday to save me. That wasn’t the first time, Atlas. How many times have you broken your oath in order to help me?” I wipe at another tear.  
Atlas is silent. I can practically hear the gears in his head grinding as he makes a connection between my words and Evander. When it clicks, he glares at me.  
“Is that what that creep told you? Are those the stupid ideas he put in your head?-“  
“You survived something terrible years ago. You remember it every time you rush into battle. I’ve seen your episodes, Atlas. They never left. I bring them out every time I force you into a fight. I’m hurting you by being here,” I clench my teeth. My lip quivers again and I stand from his lap. To touch him is to hurt him, and I’m done hurting him.  
I move away from him, reach for my stuff on the ground, and freeze when I hear laughter. It’s a cold, dark chuckle that puts me on edge. There’s nothing jovial about it just angry.  
Atlas’ shoulders shake with it before he puts a hand to his forehead. When he next speaks, his tone is furious.  
“Is that really what you think? Jesus Christ, Cadey,” Atlas throws his hands up in frustration and glares at me, “ **After everything we’ve been through, you still don’t think that I love you?!** ”  
His scream echoes against the quiet ship. I wince at it and my breath gets stuck in my throat.  
Love.  
He’s never said that one before. My hand goes to my throat and my mouth opens. I can’t get the air in to speak.  
Atlas clenches his jaw and presses his hand to his nose again. “Let me guess, Sol made up some bullshit and you bit into it. What did he say? That you were putting me at risk? Disgracing my reputation? What? What did he say that was so believable you fell for it hook, line, and sinker?!”  
He moves for me and puts his hands on my face. His eyes burn with thousands of emotions. There is anger there, frustration, but mainly heartbreak.  
A cold feeling washes over me and I resist the urge to cry. My hands move for his and I rest them on top. My breath comes out ragged.  
He presses his forehead to mine and squeezes his eyes shut.  
“What did he say?”  
His voice is quiet, barely above a whisper, yet it is powerful enough to cut through Evander’s manipulation. I crack and wither under it and feel tears streaming down my face again.  
“He said I was hurting you. I kept dragging you into battles and making you relive your past in the war.”  
Atlas is quiet for a few tense moments. I hold my breath and wait for him to explode-  
But he implodes instead.  
He draws back and makes a sound at the back of his throat. I see the pain and rage that dance across his face before an impassive mask slams on top again. He presses his hands to his temples. “And you believed it. You believed his bull. I’m going to kill him someday. I swear it.”  
I quake and draw in a deep breath. My earlier fears melt away and I feel like breaking down all over again.  
Hubble. Hubble. Hubble.  
I’m such an idiot. I’m such a stupid idiot.  
Evander played me like a fiddle and I let him. I willingly bit into his lies and I almost made a huge mistake.  
My hands press to my mouth and I feel sick. Atlas turns away from me, breathes in deeply for a few moments, then turns back around. His face is utterly closed off; I can’t tell what he’s thinking.  
“Come here,” he extends his hand. I move without a word. Once I’m within reach, he yanks me forward. I crash into him and nearly send him flying.  
He crushes me into his grip and his mouth slams on mine. I taste desperation in his kiss and frustration. His fingers twirl in my hair and he backs me against a wall.  
My own fingers go to rest at his neck. I feel his pulse pounding underneath them.  
We stay locked there for a very long time. Finally, our lungs burn and Atlas pulls back. He moves his head just enough to put our foreheads together once more. His eyes close.  
“Do me a favor, Cadey,” his whisper is quiet.  
I make a sound at the back of my throat not quite ready to speak just yet.  
Atlas opens his eyes and meets my gaze. “Next time Evander tries to get into your head, remember this. You’ve saved me as often as I’ve pulled you from danger. You’re not just some damsel in distress triggering shell shock. But more than that,” he moves forward again and places my hand over his heart where I can feel the steady pulse, “you’re the woman that I love.”  
My breath hitches and he moves away. Running a hand through his hair, he grabs his tablet and flicks the lights off on the control panel.  
“I’m going to bed. Go on your ‘walk’ if you have to, I won’t stop you, but just remember what I said. I meant every word.”  
He sends me a look and disappears. I watch him go then press my hands to my face.  
God I’m such an idiot.


End file.
